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SimBatman: Making a run for the border [Sep. 7th, 2008|08:18 pm]
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Every once in a while the game surprises me. This time it just about knocked me off my feet.

The Man of Tomorrow makes sandwiches. Alone.

The welcome wagon arrives -- remember Goddamn Batman's little friend Cliff Dover? These are his parents, Ben and Carrie. Guy on the right is Mega Droid (his wife's named Ann), a C3P0 skin under normal hair and clothing; I really like the effect.

Is Wonder Woman (a) enthusiastically agreeing with Carrie Dover (b) emphasizing a particular point (c) preparing to swallow Carrie's head whole?

Superman eats. Alone. It’s not easy to be me....

Yes, Cassie, I know you were researching the technology of the New Gods, but you still shouldn't Google "Mother Box." (Joke entirely stolen.)

Droid (in Anthony Daniels voice): Wonder Woman, I've heard that some criminals are planning a massive criminal enterprise in this city. Will you be able to protect us?
Wonder Woman: You're stupid, and I hate your hair. Shut up.

Wonder Girl: "I am interested in a career in politics! I would like to infiltrate and destroy the male hegemony from within!"
Robin: "The golden android is an idiot."

Wonder Woman: "You need to remember, Cassie, the patriarchy is...is like a sumo wrestler...."

Robin: Most scholars believe sumo to have evolved from Shinto rituals into the common perception of it as a sport and as a martial art.
Wonder Woman: Tim, what have I told you about Wikipedia? It doesn't count unless it's in print. Or on the Drudge Report.
Robin: Sorry.

Robin: I would like to play an organized sport. Say, perhaps, tennis.
Droid: ...I'm done with my sandwich, can I leave now?

Wonder Woman: ...I think we can afford a maid. Or a butler, even. That'd be nice. Maybe even, Hera help me, a dishwasher....

Wonder Girl: Okay, I totally wasn't going to say anything but WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE TWO DOING IN THE DEN?

Wonder Woman: Just try not to stare. They're...they're not like us.

Droid: Hey.
Superman: Hey.
Droid: How ya doin'?
Superman: Depressed.
Droid: Sorry.
Superman: S'okay, man.

Droid: What'cha watching?
Superman: Cute Overload Network.
Droid: What's on?
Superman: This is Tiki the Pissed-Off Siamese Cat.
Droid: Okay.
Superman: He's pissed off.
Droid: I see. *pause* You know what would make you feel better?
Superman: What?


Carrie: ...And they never let me ride on the school bus again.
Droid: Harsh.
Carrie: That's what the coroner said.

Somewhere, Arthur Curry is laughing his ass off.

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Doom....

"No, no, L-E-X, L-E-X Luthor. Yes. I understand my franchise obligations, yes."

Luthor: Attention, my minions: I have purchased Taco Bell, and I am going to recruit some personnel and stock it to further our plan for economic dominance.
Fett: *schnarf schnarf schnarf*
Luthor: You may not come with me.
Maul: It's okay, man, I'm full.

Luthor: Urge to kill...rising....

Luthor: Here it is. My empire begins anew here, in this paved and prefab piece of purgatory.

Luthor: I...aha. Hm. It has been a while since I've actually been in a Taco Bell. It's a bit more upscale than I'd imagined. Still, this is too much.

Luthor: And in this corner, we shall place....

Luthor: Forty cakes. And that's terrible. I shall hire some pathetic sniveling low-rent employees and await my first custo....
*front door opens*
Luthor: Good evening, sir, and welcome to Luthor's Taco Bell and Cake Emporium, how may...I...assist....

Luthor: ...the Goddamn Batman?
Yes, the first Sim to walk off the street and into the Taco/Cake Bell is none other than the Goddamn Batman. I swear I could not have planned that any better.

Luthor: Yes, employees! Assemble! March to my orders! The Dark Knight shops this eve! We have no time to waste!

Luthor (thinking): I'm going to sell you a cake harder than anyone has ever sold you a cake before.

Luthor: This is delicious cake, you must eat it.
Goddamn Batman: ...Yeah, okay.

Luthor pats Goddamn Batman reassuringly on the shoulder. Also, can I note how the uber-scowling face Luthor has may look ridiculous sometimes, it really works here? He's practically grimacing with effort.

Goddamn Batman: I bought a cake! And I can eat it!

Cashier: *drools on self*
Goddamn Batman: Have you never worked a cash register before? I understand it's a complicated piece of equipment, but....
Cashier: *twitches*
Goddamn Batman: Can..can we pick up the pace a bit? I'm going to be late for my nocturnal brooding.

Goddamn Batman: I give you moneys.
Cashier: *snort*

I'm really not too sure what happened here. The woman being waited on with a Wonder Woman tiara was minding her own business when the waitress walked over to her and started talking, and here she's miming holding a machine gun and making a budda-budda-budda noise. I can't really overemphasize how weird this was.

And Jamie Mythbuster comes wandering into Evil Taco Cake Bell.

Luthor: It's one-thirty in the morning. That's when the macaws come out.

Luthor: I'm sure a man of your reputation and analytical background can appreciate the appeal of cake.
Jamie: It is tasty, of that, I am certain.

Jamie: Okay, I'll buy a cake. Will that make you happy?
Luthor: Will it!


Yes, it's almost three in the morning and Lex Luthor is skipping rope in the parking lot of a Taco Bell half-filled with cake.

Next time:

Zatanna Zatara. Heroine. Magicienne. Bird-watcher.

And also the worst possible pun with these characters that I could come up with.

[User Picture]From: kateshort
2008-09-08 01:41 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHA upscale Taco Bell FORTY CAKES emprium <33333

Good god, this is the funniest thing ever.

See, regular Sims are just kind of boring to me. But these? These are so out-of-character that it's hilarious.

...My god. Has someone done Watchmen Sims yet?
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[User Picture]From: sigma7
2008-09-08 01:45 am (UTC)
Oh dear God that's a frightening proposition. Hate to imagine what the twelfth post would look like; I think the game crashes if you kill that many NPCs.
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[User Picture]From: ronwe
2008-09-08 02:17 am (UTC)
So many super-heroes/villains... The possibilities are endless. And even for ones where there aren't skins around for their super-selves, you could live out their alter egos. Asshole genius, Tony Stark for example. Or fellow asshole genius, Reed Richards with his spouse Sue "Got Told Twice" Richards.
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[User Picture]From: sigma7
2008-09-08 03:28 am (UTC)
That's actually the second Tony Stark recommendation. Hrm. I don't know that the Sims engine properly allows for full Stark debauchery, but it's always worth a try....
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[User Picture]From: joysweeper
2008-09-08 12:27 pm (UTC)
Just make sure he's got a red thong. Because that is canon.
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[User Picture]From: midnightvoyager
2008-09-17 09:42 pm (UTC)
Oh, that's easy. Mods. Hee hee hee
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[User Picture]From: jateke
2008-09-08 02:34 am (UTC)
AAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHA. Awesome. Goddamn Batman is my boyfriend. Although I do cherish a little soft spot for OMGWaterslide!Superman, too.
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[User Picture]From: lacrimaeveneris
2008-09-08 02:35 am (UTC)
I... I...

I laughed out loud. The WHOLE TIME. Because this is too awesome. It may, in fact, be awesomesauce.
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[User Picture]From: lyssachan
2008-09-08 02:55 am (UTC)
Forty Cakes!

This, clearly, is the greatest thing in the history of ever. Just letting you know.
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[User Picture]From: bedsitter23
2008-09-08 03:07 am (UTC)
Taco bell has become a lot more upscale since the last time I went there.
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[User Picture]From: thatnickguy
2008-09-08 04:04 am (UTC)
The Goddamn Batman buying cakes from Lex Luthor in a Taco Bell? That's about 40 different flavours of awesome.

By the way, I've just linked you from Scans Daily, home to many a comic book geek like myself. Prepare to have a lot more hits, my friend. You deserve 'em.

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[User Picture]From: sigma7
2008-09-08 04:43 am (UTC)
Aw, thanks! Although I admit to still being somewhat baffled by its appeal, I won't argue. As long as someone finds it diverting, that's reason enough for me. Glad y'all are diggin' it.
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[User Picture]From: thatnickguy
2008-09-08 04:48 am (UTC)
As I responded to someone at the S_D community:

-Darth Maul has pink swimming trunks.
-Fett wears his helmet at ALL times.
-Luthor is selling 40 cakes...out of a Taco Bell.
-Goddamn Batman sucks at catching a football but loves skipping rope.

The stuff writes itself, man. Keep it up.
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[User Picture]From: sigma7
2008-09-08 04:54 am (UTC)
-Darth Maul has pink swimming trunks.

Suddenly being colorblind rolls me a win!
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[User Picture]From: foxhack
2008-09-08 05:01 am (UTC)
C3PO dude looks like Brainy, but with a bad case of jaundice. ^^;
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[User Picture]From: merseybeatler
2008-09-08 05:02 am (UTC)
Hahahah oh my god...I had to hold tissues to my face to keep from waking the entire household with my laughter.
Absolute win.
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[User Picture]From: museofspeed
2008-09-08 05:09 am (UTC)

This is kind of amazing.
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[User Picture]From: officialbizness
2008-09-08 05:39 am (UTC)
You are currently the greatest human being alive.
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From: redsilkscarf
2008-09-08 05:52 am (UTC)
Hahahaha this is so many kinds of awesome, I can't even stand it.
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[User Picture]From: maggiebloome
2008-09-08 08:17 am (UTC)
Ben and Carrie Dover? Really?
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[User Picture]From: kamino_neko
2008-09-08 08:52 am (UTC)


Oh, Grodd, that was brilliant.

Superman brooding about, and Luthor skipping rope, particularly, make a brilliant combination.
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[User Picture]From: sianmink
2008-09-08 09:07 am (UTC)
Here from S_D and this.. this is awesome.
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[User Picture]From: skunktaur
2008-09-08 01:09 pm (UTC)
Over from S_D here... good grief that's funny.

Also... It appears that Zatanna is looking for tits?
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[User Picture]From: starpiper
2008-09-08 01:54 pm (UTC)
Good lord. I just want you to know how close I came to either choking on my dinner or waking up the entire house when I read this.

Yes, it's almost three in the morning and Lex Luthor is skipping rope in the parking lot of a Taco Bell half-filled with cake.

This. This right here, I think, encapsulates in one sentence just how awesome your Sims game really is. Batman skipping rope, concerned Not!Alfred, Superman: Depressed Hydrophile, Luthor and his 40 Cakes of TexMex Goodness...fantastic.

And now I really want to play Sims myself. Why does my life have to be so busy right now? :/
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[User Picture]From: hiratsu
2008-09-08 02:03 pm (UTC)
Laughing way too hard to be good for me. Thank you. Quick question: what all expansion packs do you have?
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[User Picture]From: sigma7
2008-09-08 02:12 pm (UTC)
Quick question: what all expansion packs do you have?

The worst possible answer: all of them. I worry that Sims 3 will end up feeling like a downgrade.
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[User Picture]From: nymphgalatea
2008-09-08 09:48 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness, all of them? I have 3 expansion packs, just bought "Apartment Life" and it nearly killed my poor old slow laptop. I'd hate to think what would happen if it had them all.

Here from scans_daily, by the way. This is ridiculous and wonderful. You know, you could make Brainiac quite easily, the green skin is already an option on the original program...just a thought!
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[User Picture]From: sigma7
2008-09-08 10:24 pm (UTC)
Oh, I've got...plans. And I found a Brainiac head-tattooy-thing amid my downloads, so I see...something coming.

And I had been running my computer I bought in 2001 (!) with most of the Sims and you're right, it just took for-bloody-ever. I used my government bribe economic stimulus check and bought parts on Newegg and assembled a new beastie of a machine that actually makes the game playable again. I'm still looking forward to Sims 3 with a measure of trepidation, since they've promised context as being part of the system, and it's that lack of context that makes things so erratically joyous....
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[User Picture]From: nymphgalatea
2008-09-08 10:30 pm (UTC)
Oooh. Brainiac! I've made a blonde-haired, labcoat-wearing Brainiac-Five for my Sims. (Unfortunately I let my non-comics-reading sister play, with the result that he's now best friends with Wonder Woman and is married to Catwoman. Context means nothing in my game, nothing at all...)
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[User Picture]From: candidgamera
2008-09-08 03:01 pm (UTC)
This? This is comedy gold.
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[User Picture]From: merseybeatler
2008-09-08 09:33 pm (UTC)
P.S. Where did you get the Wonder Girl and Robin outfits?
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[User Picture]From: sigma7
2008-09-08 09:44 pm (UTC)
I'm pretty sure I got the Robin from here and the Wonder Girl -- along with most of the Teen Titans -- here, but suddenly I realize SynapticSim posted them both, so by hitting the second post, you should be able to get both. He's a quite gifted skinner.
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[User Picture]From: merseybeatler
2008-09-08 09:47 pm (UTC)
Indeed! Thank you.
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[User Picture]From: cookie_mccool
2008-09-08 11:28 pm (UTC)
I've been a little paranoid about installing custom stuff for Sims2 after killing my old Sims a million times over with download bloat, but a Batman Sim is incredibly tempting. I'm pretty sure somebody needs to get knocked up by aliens, though. It might bring out Boba Fett's hidden maternal instincts?
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[User Picture]From: sigma7
2008-09-09 12:01 am (UTC)
Hah! I'm not sure they're that well-hidden. He's taken an interest in flower-arranging.
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[User Picture]From: cookie_mccool
2008-09-09 12:09 am (UTC)

Don't hate

Flower-arranging is BAD ASS. There are plenty of stabby opportunities involved, what with scissors and sharp pointy ends of flowers and stuff. And, um, at least it's a little more butch than sewing up a nice little green and purple custom suit for his good buddy Lex, right?

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