|SimBatman: the skeptical butler and Mandalorian poke-fights
||[Sep. 7th, 2008|06:40 pm]
Oh. *petrified stare* Hello. I didn't anticipate anyone else being nearly as amused by all this as I was. But hey, welcome aboard.
Back at non-stately Wayne Manor, Cliff Dover's still hanging around, using Goddamn Batman's PC. (And Goddamn had to get his texture fixed in the mirror again. Grh.)
"I know! I'll make macaroni and cheese for my young friend!" Goddamn Batman's mindset is...going to take a little getting used to.
Cliff attempts to gauge Goddamn Batman's position on busing.
Goddamn breaks off the conversation by...going upstairs and getting into bed. Unseen: Cliff flittered about the manor for about two hours before finally going home. Thank God that Goddamn Batman isn't in the market for a sidekick just yet. (And yes, those are his pajamas.)
Goddamn Batman, happily sleeping. And you're hoping this is as disturbing as it gets.
It's not. Admit it -- you always thought he did this, anyway.
I can't remember what the butler's name is -- not Alfred, and that's all that counts -- but he shows up with nine kinds of attitude while the Goddamn Batman is...taking care of business.
Goddamn Batman wants to become skilled at making robots. Kingdom Come, anyone?
Not for a while, at any rate. Right now he's cranking out toy robots.
Not!Alfred keeps giving Goddamn Batman that...that look every time he walks by. Not that I blame him; Goddamn Batman makes Adam West look like Lobo. Still, you'd hope to inspire a little bit of awe or at least respect with your hired help....
...Okay, never mind.
Batman wants to learn physiology and fire prevention. I'm thinking instead of seeing a bat flutter outside his window, young Bruce turned on the TV and saw a public service announcement and decided to become an afterschool special.
OH HOLY GOD I LOVE TO JUMP ROPE YOU MUST TRY IT IT IS FANTASTIC
Woman on the left has just knocked over the Goddamn Batman's trash. Woman on right is the mail carrier. If this were Frank Miller's Dark Knight, the woman on the left would be sticking out of one window of the car by now. And both women would be hookers.
"Gabe, are you going to give me that look every time I get in the car?"
"No, man, it's just...it's just going to take a little...a little getting used to. That's all."
"Do you want me to ride in the back?"
"...No, actually, that'd just make it worse."
"Dude, the Taco Bell's just down the road from here. That's gotta be sweet."
Goddamn has no psychic powers whatsoever, and we're still not sure about the whole "stimulus-response" thing, either. So let's pick blue, just because...just because.
This may be the greatest thing that ever happens to Goddamn Batman.
"Hello. You're standing in front of my house."
"HI! I'm the GODDAMN BATMAN!"
"Yes, hello, my name is Vince, and please stop shouting."
Goddamn Batman breaks out the football, and it looks like his primary hobby in life is destined to be...sport. Hrm. Okay.
Vince caught the ball. Were you prepared for that? I wasn't.
So the eternal question: can the Goddamn Batman catch a football?
Of course not. This goes on for almost an hour. Vince catches every pass; Goddamn Batman drops every single football tossed his direction.
"Eh...Master Bruce, what...what are you...?"
"I wanna make mac and cheese for my new friend Vince! We played football in the yard!"
"Yes...very good, sir." (And I was originally going to stick with a poorly-lit non-stately Wayne Manor, but for one thing it's driving me up the wall with the bad lighting but for another it should be pretty clear from the Faulknerian idiot man-child that is the Goddamn Batman, fidelity to the source material isn't high up on our list of priorities, is it?)
So Goddamn Batman is in the kitchen making mac-n-cheese for his new friend Vince who's OH MY GOD what's wrong with his FACE why is that HAPPENING?
Not!Alfred continues to show...concern for his employer's well-being.
"Dude. You know what I like? Shoes. Shoes are bad-ass man. Especially those high-heeled bastards, man. Those are fantastic."
"I just don't know that you can beat a nice big hat. Get one about three, four feet wide, give it a sassy tilt, man, and you got it goin' on."
Meanwhile, at the Hall of Doom....
Lex Luthor wants to earn 100,000 Simoleons. Except, as you'll recall, his current job is being a sports mascot. The Legion of Doom needs a plan.
The Baroness is in the kitchen, making sammiches, quietly boiling at how the kitchen duties magically got shuffled off to her.
"Yes, I browse the web with my helmet on. Does that bother you?"
"So I had the idea that we'd steal this train, right, and put kryptonite in each compartment...."
Olive: "Oscars are insipid attempts to stroke Hollywood egos, not true barometers of creative output. Ever since Halle Berry and Kevin Spacey won, it just hasn't been the same."
Also note that Luthor's known this woman for maybe 30 minutes and their relationship is -11. That's efficient.
The Riddler, meanwhile, is hitting it off with barely-pregnant neighbor-woman -- +24 relationship, not too bad.
Luthor: "God, I'm depressed."
Maul: "So, me and the bounty hunter were talkin' and we've got a great idea. Let's say we knock off a museum, something artsy, with lots of rich people...."
Luthor: "I do not want to discuss the glitterati while I'm trying to eat, you ebon-skinned freak. It's an insipid plan, it's a waste of all of our collective time and I hate violins. There, I said it. HATE VIOLINS."
Maul: "Oh, man, you do hate violins, don't'cha? Wow."
"Riddle me this: why can't we have goddamn bathrooms on the ground floor?"
"I got it. We bomb 'em from orbit until they cough up the money. It worked five, six times for me...."
Oh, how cute, married neighbor-man has the hots for the Baroness. I have no idea where that's going to go except that I promise it will not be pretty....
Olive Specter gets into a pokey-fight with the Mandalorian bounty hunter. He eventually triumphs by...asking her to leave.
Luthor: "Ladies, gentlemen, there's one efficient and innocuous way to drain this community of its carefully-guarded monetary resources. We do it in plain sight. I have an idea...."
Maul: "'Scuse me, I'll get'cher plate for ya."
I gotta admit, the Riddler's jokes are pretty damn funny to the Sims.
Nigma takes a dip.
*Duel of the Fates plays in the background*
I love that this question was even asked.
Luthor: "Bitch, I need to get on the phone."
Fett: "Mr. Luthor, you're just going to have to wait until Darth Maul talks to his friend. ...Oh, and I like your trunks."
Luthor: "Shut up, you bucket-headed cretin."
Neighbor: "So me and the missus packed up our stuff and we took a whole week off. Went into the mountains -- saw us a Yeti, even!"
Maul (enthralled): "Please. Tell me more."
Lex Luthor: Cannonball, soon to be a limited series.
Neighbor: "So we found a cabin, we went skiing, and...."
Maul: "HOLY CHRIST I LOVE SKIING I MUST MAKE JAZZHANDS NOW."
Okay, that's it for this installment. Next time:
HOLY SHIT I LOVE COCKATOOS TOO! HIGH FIVE!
From the credit-where-due department: If you want to download the skins/meshes/models used here, let me list where I found most of them (if I'm missing any or not giving appropriate credit, feel free to lemme know):
Batman skins, Baroness, Boba Fett, Darth Maul, The Riddler, Wonder Girl, Superman, Wonder Woman, Robin, and Taco Bell. Enjoy.